


Kakuzu's Discount Birthday Dinner

by Ratt9



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anko is a terrible McDonalds worker, Anko is a troll, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Hidan wants to take Kakuzu out for his birthday, Humor, Kakuzu continues to be a cheap bastard, M/M, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:35:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25923706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ratt9/pseuds/Ratt9
Summary: "You know, when I suggested we go out to eat somewhere for your birthday, I didn't think you'd pick a fucking Mcdonald's as your first choice. Not that you've ever been classy, Kakuzu, but this is a bit extreme."(Now with artwork included!)
Relationships: Hidan & Kakuzu (Naruto), Hidan/Kakuzu (Naruto)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 59





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been really into KakuHida lately, so this dumb little fic was my attempt to help break myself out of the writer's block that's been plaguing me for months. It's nothing much but it was fun to write. I hope you enjoy!

"You know, when I suggested we go out to eat somewhere for your birthday, I didn't think you'd pick a fucking _Mcdonald's_ as your first choice. Not that you've ever been classy, Kakuzu, but this is a bit extreme."

Hidan scanned his eyes across the half-empty McDonald's in search of the cleanest table, the typical too-bright fluorescent lighting reflecting off a patch of newly-mopped floor partially covered by a foldable yellow "Watch Your Step" sign. It was more than half empty and had the sleepy, somewhat depressing my-life-is-so-meaningless-that-I-have-nothing-better-to-do-than-sit-alone-in-a-McDonald's atmosphere that one might expect of a fast food restaurant at 9pm on a Friday night. A disheveled bearded man sat in the corner doing a newspaper crossword puzzle while a middle aged woman sat by the fountain drinks texting furiously on her phone.

Beside him, Kakuzu only grunted, staring at the glowing menu above the cash register as he tried to figure out what he wanted.

"They have a dollar menu," was all Kakuzu said, as if that was a perfectly understandable explanation for why they hadn't gone out to a real restaurant.

Hidan rolled his eyes. "You and your fucking money, I swear. It's not like you're running low or anything. And besides," Hidan gave him a side glance as he wondered whether he should admit to this particular detail, "I might have been planning on getting the bill for you. You know. As a fucking gift."

But Kakuzu didn't appear to be listening, contemplatively mumbling instead under his breath something that sounded like dollar menu items while a bored, purple-haired McDonald's worker dressed in fishnets (weren't they supposed to wear uniforms?) waited to hear their orders with a hand on her hip.

Hidan huffed, wondering why he even bothered trying to have a nice night out with the stodgy old bastard. It's not like it had ever worked out in the past. Hidan knew he was only wasting his breath when Kakuzu got like this, all focused on financial numbers and shit. As if ordering a meal at McDonald's could be considered a financial investment.

"Look, are you gonna order or what? I haven't got all day," said the cashier. Her name tag read "Anko" and she drummed her fingers across the counter impatiently. Kakuzu shot her a brief glare, but didn't engage further.

"One happy meal," Kakuzu said, taking a step closer to the counter. The McDonald's worker, having previously been picking at her nails, straightened as she began to punch their order into the register. "The nuggets, with a small side of fries. The barbecue sauce better not cost extra."

 _Seriously?_ Hidan thought. _That's barely enough food for a child._

"Alright sir," the cashier said in a detached tone, their words sounding rehearsed as though they repeated them hundreds of times a day, "and do you want that to come with the girl toy, or the boy toy?"

Kakuzu's red and green eyes narrowed, irritation clear in his expression. 

"What do you think," he said, clearly a statement and not a question. Hidan held back a laugh; Kakuzu may have brought this on himself, but expressing his amusement at the situation would only piss the older man off.

Anko yawned. "Alright, boy toy, then. Anything else?"

Without waiting for Kakuzu's response, Hidan, making up his mind, pushed forward. 

*Yeah," Hidan said, "can you double all of that and get me a Big Mac? Give him the 20-piece nuggets. Plus, two large drinks, an extra hamburger, and two extra large fries?"

"Hidan—" Kakuzu started, but was ignored as Hidan began pulling out his grungy wallet from the back pocket of his jeans. 

"It's on me, asshole," was all he mumbled, shoving past him as he pulled out his own neglected credit card. 

Kakuzu crossed his arms. "That's going to get rejected."

Hidan shot him an irritable look as he stuck it in the credit card reader. "No, it fucking isn't. I got rid of that old one months ago. Thanks for paying attention."

Kakuzu crossed his arms, observing Hidan as he entered his pin. Kakuzu was almost impressed that the younger man actually remembered the number combination for how often Kakuzu was usually the one stuck paying.

There was a silent moment of anticipation as the machine loaded only to reveal that Hidan's card was, in fact, rejected. Kakuzu released a heavy sigh, resigning himself to the fact that he was going to be the one to cover the cost of the stupid amount of food Hidan had ordered. 

Just as he was reaching a hand into his coat to retrieve his own wallet, Kakuzu was stopped by Hidan's hand on his arm.

"Just hang on," Hidan mumbled, avoiding eye contact out of slight embarrassment as he waved him off. "I've still got this...damn thing must have been defective or something. How much did'ya say it was?"

The cashier raised an eyebrow in mild annoyance. "$21.53."

Grumbling, Hidan rummaged through his pockets again until he actually pulled out a crumpled wad of bills. Kakuzu tried not to openly cringe when Hidan threw down a $20 and a $5, declared, "Eh, just keep the change, it's only a few bucks anyway," and walked off to the fountain drink machine with his cup. At least it was Hidan's money being wasted, Kakuzu told himself, though another part of him was fairly surprised that Hidan had actually paid for him. Kakuzu was fully expecting that he would have had to do it himself, as usual.

As they sat down at one of the tables furthest from the other people in the restaurant waiting for their food, Kakuzu said, "You just spent $25 getting food at a McDonald's."

Hidan leaned back in his seat, posture casual yet staring off into the distance. If Kakuzu didn't know any better, he might have thought Hidan looked almost bashful. 

"Yeah, well..." Hidan shrugged. "I was expecting to spend more money than that tonight, so whatever. Happy birthday, I guess. Though next time maybe choose somewhere a bit nicer than a fucking McDonald's."


	2. Bonus Artwork

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Art created by NajiAguya!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My very talented friend Naji Aguya created art for this piece! We're hoping to do even more collaborations in the future, and we hope you enjoyed! :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- 08.29.2020

**Author's Note:**

> I'll probably edit this later on, but I did want to get this posted today since it's Kakuzu's birthday and the timing felt fitting. Thank you for reading, and I always appreciate hearing people's thoughts! :) Hope all of you are staying safe out there.
> 
> ~ Ratt, 08.15.2020


End file.
